Friday, March 24, 2006

Love vs Arrange

Why people keep asking this question so many times?

I am not against love marriage. But you cannot force yourself to fall in love. Thats the first point I think is important. If somebody is thinking that his/her marriage will be love marriage then its like arranging for love marriage. :-P

What many buddies think that love is spontanious. You like somebody ..propose him/her... start loving and get married. You adjust yourself to opposite's behavior(swabhav) to keep your love alive. Means you need lot of understanding nature and adjustments in love marrriage too.

Now look at those who are not in love (like me). They are bound to bind with a guy/girl who is decided by somebody else for them. Now From start itself they are knowing that they have to be accomodative and helping each other to understand better as you don't know each other earlier.

So putting the same depth of adjustments and understanding, happy married life is possible with arranged marriage too. I don't want to get into discussion that which marriages fail more? If its true love then any marriage can sustain till end of the world(if end of the world occurs before that pair's end).


At 5:07 AM, Blogger Joy Forever said...

"If somebody is thinking that his/her marriage will be love marriage then its like arranging for love marriage."

Nicely written. Even I have often argued on the same lines with my friends. We should keep two things in mind: firstly, love is not looking at a girl/guy and being stunned by her/his looks. Love is a very complex feeling that develops over a long period of time and has absolutely no relation with the first impression. Secondly, this emotion can develop after marriage too, in case of arranged marriages, and there's no proof that this love is not as good as the love developed before love marriages.

The moral of the story is, it really doesn't matter what you do... forcefully falling in love is as good (or bad) as arranged marriage.

And I feel you are considering arranged marriage sometime soon ;-)

At 7:13 AM, Blogger abhijit said...

@sugata:I know that I have to marry thru an arranged marriage so writing for arranged one.

At 11:07 PM, Blogger kadambari said...

hmm..i go with sugata..
it is not the kind of marriage which decides,the love in d relationship..ther's no point if u force urself to fall in love jus to have a "love marriage"..
be it love or arrangd,only if ther's understanding & adjustments..the bond could last forevr.
as awry said..true love doesnt dilute wid jus dilates..

At 2:18 AM, Blogger abhijit said...

@kaddu: I was saying the same thing. I just wanted to tell that arranged marriage is not waste. As last line of my blog says ..true love lasts till end. :-)

At 11:45 AM, Blogger Monami said...

Thanks Sugata for guiding me to this blog!Abhijit,you have crisp thoughts on the matter,I must say.However I feel "love" has a different meaning at different ages in life.If you had fallen in love in school and taking the relationship to marriage then the feeling that triggered love at the eventual marriagable age would be stark differnt from if you would fall in love with an office colleague.So at our age,yours and mine,love is more a concious attempt to seeing its longitivity.So love marriage are of different kinds also.So to decide which kind of marriage will be successful there are not only two kinds of marriages-love and arranged,may be semi arranged,semi-love,all kinds of grey type of relationships that may or may not succeed depending on the dynamics of the relationship of the two partners!!

At 10:35 PM, Blogger abhijit said...

Monami: Yeah that is true. Even some of my friends have gone for semi-arranged marriage. POint to be noted from your comment is there are different definitions of love at different ages. And last one too. AS after all it depends on individuals.


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